a new sort of christmas story

todays installment is a short one act that i composed a while ago. if you are offended by reinterpretations of anything christian READ NO FURTHER.

Narrator: What if Mary, mother of Jesus, was not a virgin? What if there was no "angel of the Lord"? What was Joseph doing married to a woman who apparently would not have sex with him? Was he repugnant in some way? Was he hideously ugly, bereft of penis, an idiot? Perhaps this is the answer to these questions:

Mary (to Joseph): I've been thinking lately...we need to move to a bigger house.
Joseph: We will need money to move to a bigger house. Why a bigger house?
Mary: We have but one room. Do we not have the money, my husband? You are a well-paid carpenter.
Joseph: We have little money, what with the goat cheese, dates and olives you have been packing away as of late. Speaking of big...we will need a bigger house if you keep getting large around the middle. Don't think that I haven't noticed, my wife.
Mary (defensively): Hey! Your middle isn't exactly made of chiseled stone! (softening): Husband...I am with child.
Joseph (angrily): Mary, how didest thou come to be with this child? You will not share my bed!Mary: Can we talk outside, my husband? The odor in here is overwhelming.
Joseph: Um, ok. What odor?
Mary (outside now): If you will stand downwind my husband? That's better...as I was saying, yes I am with child. I was sleeping alone the night you attended your Woodcarver's Union conference in Bethlehem. I was awoken when I felt the bed rising and falling. Also, I felt a delicious tingling sensation when suddenly an, um, angel appeared. Yes, an angel appeared to me, as if in a dream, and said,"you are with the Lord's child".
Joseph (now awestruck): It's a miracle!
Mary (relieved): Indeed, it is! If it's a boy I think we shall call him...Jesus.
Joseph: Say, isn't that the baker's name? You know, I saw him the other night parading around in a set of wings and a halo. That guy is such a weirdo.