my mom went in the hospital on monday and was discharged on wednesday. her heart doctor, dr. olubi, said she can't live by herself anymore and needed to go into a nursing home. hell's bell's, a nursing home ain't for the likes of my mom! she's still able to get around and stays as active as she can. i know that nursing homes can and do help some people but my brother joe and i agreed that it would probably be the beginning of the end.
my mom's friend, donna, said she would be glad to check on her everyday but dr. olubi said no, donna wasn't qualified. i don't know what donna said to dr. olubi or what transpired but by the end of the conversation between the two but dr. olubi said that maybe donna could be trained in some rudimentary nursing skills and report to a qualified professional. wow.
i don't know where donna came from, really. she just showed up in my mom's life and they have become best friends. donna takes mom to appointments and checks in on her everyday. donna is a rare individual.
amy and i went over to the hospital on wednesday and talked to my mom, the case worker from social services, stephanie, and a home hospice care rep that stephanie recommended. donna was there, she spent the night with my mom at the hospital...every night! stephanie, it turns out, recognized me from somewhere. we figured out it was from when i worked at newnan music. stephanie's husband, robi, had had a brain tumor-the same kind that steve sewell, our piano instructor at the store, also had. she came and talked to some of us there at the store about getting steve hooked up for a benefit with the robi run, a foundation started in her husband's name. she wasn't supposed to tell us what hospice agency to go with but we asked her opinion and she gave it. so crystal, um fuller, i think, came by to see us.
mom has copd, which is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. subsequently, the right side of her heart is having to push hard against the fluid in her lungs which makes the right side weak. the left side, however, is fine and dandy. for this reason, the fine and dandy, home hospice wouldn't be an option. since she has the copd and is on oxygen and a nebulizer, etc., she was a candidate.
well, things seemed to be going ok. then the bad news: one of her lung doctors, dr. candiswami (the other is dr. patel) came to see mom in the hospital after amy and i left. mom asked him how long she has to live. he said about a year. when he left, donna went out in the hallway and asked him how long he really thought she has...the bomb dropped here: about 2, maybe 4 weeks. jesus. i don't even believe in jesus, but, jesus.
donna called joe, then she called amy, then joe called amy then amy told me when i got home from work. what the plan is now i don't know. i told them at work what is happening. i'm going to try to get fmla leave and spend time with mom. joe is coming up from st. simon's as soon as he can. i don't even know if the doctor really knows the real prognosis. everything is so goddamned up in the air. i new this day would come but it knowing doesn't cause any of this to be easy. i just want mom to be pain free, worry free....just free. and if death is freedom...let it come, but with mercy and compassion. who knows, she may live longer. she may not. there is a lesson here. i intend to learn it.
Could be worse...could be a spider
12 years ago
5 comments:
Jesus. I know just how you feel. My dad was the same way with the same conition. Dr. Patel was even his doctor.
I just hope that everything will work out okay.
As you say, you spend most of your adult life preparing for what you know is inevitable but you still have more trouble than you think when it actually happens.
I hope that your mom can outlast the prognosis and show them what she's made of and I hate the Nursing Home scenerio as much as you do but I'm sure not as much as she does.
Hang in there and do what needs to be done. And be sure to spend as much time as you can with her.
Life is filled with tight spots and hard times and it can be rough getting the Lessons when you need them.
My thoughts are with you.
Fortunately, so far, I've not had to deal with such ominous announcements in my family or personal life. BUT as a nurse, I'm all too familiar. We'll be thinking of you and your mom.
Sending "white light" for you and your mom and the rest of the crew. So sorry about the trouble, I hope the doctors are wrong and she has much more time left on this earth. If not, I hope her last days are filled with as much love as is possible.
horrible news... if theres anything we could do... even babysitting at any time.. its a tough road to go down. Julie's dad was told the same thing when he was sent home after dealing with leukemia treatments, and a vre infection, he was told he had six days to six months, that was over five years ago... there is some comfort in what people will say and offer, take it and hold on to it, in these situations the old saying "i just aint got the words" is very true... hang in there and love her every minute you can
My heart goes out to you. I know Clay offered whatever help you guys might need....please take us up on it. We mean it. I know how it feels and there are just no words to articulate it. Enjoy every second, listen to the doctors but don't give up hope as no one knows everything and don't sweat the FMLA leave. You have been there more than long enough to get it and the doctors will be more than willing to fill out their parts to expedite it for you. I am so not progressive so I will cling to my old school beliefs and pray hard for all of you. :-) Be good to yourself and each other too...stress can do crazy things to your mind set.
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